


The Glitter Bomb

by aphrosCartographer



Category: Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: M/M, Pranks and Practical Jokes, slight clint/pietro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-18
Updated: 2015-11-18
Packaged: 2018-05-02 05:33:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5236130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aphrosCartographer/pseuds/aphrosCartographer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So I promised my friend Sarah I would write her a fic while intoxicated. It's based off a prompt she sent me:<br/>"I was meaning to send my friend a glitter bomb and a letter full of inside jokes and insults, but I got the address wrong and you got my letter instead and you’re trying to trace it back to me"</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Glitter Bomb

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Blizzard96](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blizzard96/gifts).



> Disclaimer: I was drunk when I wrote this so there's a lot of mistakes and grammatical errors and all sorts of fun stuff like that. There's some comments I left in the middle of the story that I just left in there because they were too funny to take out.  
> I also talk about AOU and my dislike for MCU BruceNat so if that bothers you just don't read it  
> Otherwise, enjoy this crazy story it was a lot of fun XD

Starting point: 3 tequila and dr peppers in (well almost I gotta chug this one and then we are GTG)  
Ughhhhhh don’t drink alcohol kiddos it’s a FUN TIME aka tequila tastes like actual shit do NOT drink

“No seriously I need you to do me this solid.” Clint leaned against the doorframe of his small apartment, phone pressed against his ear, “Nat, come on. Surely you owe me one after the whole metal robot fiasco?” He knew he was grasping at smoke, but he didn’t’ really care. He heard Natasha sigh on the other side of the phone. 

“Clint, this isn’t really something I can justify using S/H/I.E.L.D. tech on…” he could basically hear her rolling her eyes on the other side of the line, “Why don’t you just figure something out yourself?:=” 

(At this point I have decided that a hsot every paragraph is a bad idea. I’m now taking them at my discrection (how the FUCK do you spell that???)) 

Clint groaned and gestured at the mess all over his floor like she could see it, “But Natasha… My entire floor is covered in glitter.” Lucky was sniffing at the mess and looking at Clint in concern, “It’s even disturbing my dog!!” 

“Clint, it’s a fucking glitter letter. Just sweep it up and get on with your life.” 

“But Natasha,” he shouldered the phone and picked up the letter that had come with the envelope, “it says some pretty freaky stuff.: 

(shot) 

Mj7y6uhvt5rfxa (spilled some water on my keyboard sorry) 

Natshas’ sigh rattled in his ear, “Do you have a secret admirerer, Clint?” 

He shook the paper for dramatic effect, “I don’t think so, it says stuff like ‘don’t forget the moneky’ or ‘shake out those drawers’ and some other random shit that doesn’t make any sense.” Lucky had decided that the glitter wasn’t worth worrying about and had gone to his bed and fallen asleep 

Natasha rolled her eyes (Clint knew because they were BFFs eben though they were talking on the phone), “Aren’t you a S.H>I.E.L.D. agent? Why don’t you trace the letter?” 

Clint groaned, “I suck at that stuff, come on Nat pleaseeeeeee?” 

Natasha sighed, “Im sorry Clint I can’t help you right now. I’ve got some other things to attend to.” 

“This isn’t about Bruce is it?” 

She paused before she spoke, “No. Everyone decided it would be better if we just left it alone for now.” 

“Is that okay with you?” 

“…For now, it’s for the best. Good luck with your letter.” 

She hung up on him. _Dammit. Shouldn’t have mentioned the whole Bruce fiasco…_

(shot because I hate brutasha and NAH SON edit: I want to let you know that I struggled to open the bottle only to realize there was NO FUCKNG LID ON IT IM SO) 

He stepped back and considered the sizable mess on his floor. He had come home to a mailobow full of letters (bills mostly) and had plopped them all down on his counter to go rhoguht them. The first couple had been normal, just places reminding him of sales and discounts, but there was one with no returne address. This one he had saved for last because he thought it was weird. When he had opened it, a fountatin of glitter had exploded all over hi s poor kitchen. The letter it contained was rude an d mean and everything in between. Clint didn’t even know what half of the words meant; he was pretty sure they were in another language. 

“Goddammit Natasha.” He looked at Lucky, “You’re damn lucky that youre a dog and don’t have to put up with stuoid stuff like this. Why are humans so annoying all the time??” He bent down and petted Lcuku because lucky was a goOD dog. The bestest dog. Lucky smiled/ Clint was surpised, “Dogs can smile???” 

Lucky just smiled, that Sonofabitch. 

Clint rolled his eyes and sat in his kitchen. On the floor because why not, charis are overrated. He had the letter in his hand, and read it over a couple times. He was still confused about what it was trying to sya. But there had to be some way to trace the letter back to its writer. oR author. That was the word he was looking for. Author. Some asshole had to be behind this shit and he was gonna find out who it was. He examined the letter, maybe it had some sort of clue on it. Scooby Doo style that shit. Maybe he would have to shout ‘Jenkies!’ at some point. 

He hoped that didn’t have to happen. He never like Velma; she was WEIRD. 

Also she liked orange. What a stupid color to wear all the damn time. Get some fashion sense you weirdo. 

Back to seirous business. Clint stood up and smoothed the letter out on the counter. It looked like it was (shot, also I had a little dance party here beause my jam came on alirght(_) cut out of a newspaper. Like it was meticulously thought out like someone had put a ton of thought into this one prank. But they had made a terrible mistake which Clint’s sleuthing skills brought to light. They had signed with a code name. like a serecry name only their closest buddies would know. But Clint knew just how to find out who it was. He spent the nextfew hours running the handwriting thought the S.HIL.LED. database (oh mty gOD that was ROUGH) and cursing the person who ahd sent him the STUPID LETTER. The glitter was still sitting all over his kitchen floor, causing poor ol’ Lucky much distress. 

After a long while at his laptop, Clint finally had a handwriting match on the poor sap who had thought signing his name would be a good idea. _What a rookie mistake. Sending a glitter letter to a wrong address._

But when he looked at the results, it didn’t make any sense. “Pietro Maximoff? That can’t be?” For those of you yhat don’t know, that guy DIED in AOU. He got shot, because Marvel is FUMB. “Jarvis, check and make sure that is correct.” 

Then he remembered he doesn’t have Jarvis because he lives all alone in a stupid apartment by himself. Poor Clint. 

A few phone calls later, Clint was on his way to the address the post office had given him. Apaprently they kept track of that stuff, who knew? He had borrowed a car from Tony, who had cash to spare on errant errands such as this one. The car drive was boring, and Clint looked out the window a lot. There wasn’t really much to see, but eventualy they arrived at the address the post office had given him. He got out of the car, telling the driver to wait for him to get back and then walking up to the door; the offending letter in hand. 

He knocked on the door (shot) and someone ansered the door who he didn’t know. 

“Im looking for one Pietro Maximoff? Is he here?” 

The man at the door squinted, like he didn’t know what Clint was talkin about. “Certainly, he has been waiting for your arrival.” 

Clint scoffed, “I doubt that.” 

The inside of the building was surpriseing, super duper fancy, like the Robinsons had built it or something. Clint allowed himself to be led to what he assumed was going to be Pietro’s room and stood silently as the door was opened before him. The room he was peering into was small, but nicely decorate 

“Peitro? What the fuck are you doing? I thougth you were an dead now?” Clint said, the letter falling limp in his hand. 

{ietro smirked, “Didn’t see this coming, huh?” 

Clint almost smacked him, but held his hand down because Natasha said smacking peple was bad. “why did you send me this letter? 

Pietro smiled, :Tjat wasn’t supposed to go to you, it was supposed to go to my friend from (whatever that place is called I CANT REMEMBER). But I’m glad it went to you,” 

Clint cokced his head to one side like he was confusied, “Why?” 

“Because I thought, out of all of the Aengers, you were the one I would most like to be friends with.” 

“Why would you think I would want to be friends with you?” Clint remarked, trying to be all cool by leaning on the doorframe. “Why not someone like Tony? He seems to draw the most attention.” 

Pietro smiled, closing the gap between the two, “I think you want to be friends because,” he smiled, snatching the letter out of Clint;s hands, :Because yoy decide to come all the way out here to find me even though you think I was dead. Quite a surprise, no?” 

Clint rolled his eyes, “You’re stupid. Everyone is gonn abe mad because you tricked them into think ing your were dead.” 

Pietro laughed, “I thought I was dead too. Bullets went in here,” he tapped a spot on his chest near his heart, “here” another spot near his stomach, “and here” the last spot was near his left leg, “and here. That’s a lot of bullets to save you/ You must think me something of an idiot for saving your life?” 

Clint shook his head, “No, I thin kyoure a hero, but I also think you’re stupid for pretending to be dad/ “ 

Pietro nodded, “Yeah, I should tell everyone I am still alive, that would be nice of me.” 

“Yeah just no more glitter letters, you scared my dog.” 

Pietro laughed, “Okay no more scaring dog, I will tell Avengers tomorrow. Until then,” he paused, and shot cLint a michevious smile, “You are wanting to spend the night? It is pretty late, too late to go bak on your own.,,” 

Clint pasued, not sure what was happening, “…well the guy who drove me here is waiting outside, maybe I should let him know…” 

Pietro dismissed the idea with his hand, “come with me, I have something else for you to waste your time on.” 

Clint was confused, but accepted the hand he had been offered. He was then dragged into Pietro’s room and was even more confused than before. He had a darn good night, and was happy Pietro was still alive. Even though he tricked them into thinking he was dead. 

What a dick. 

At least he helped him clean up the glitter later/


End file.
